Toothpick with a Mustache

2nd block:
————
K: Mr. C, you skinny as hell.
Mr. C: Oh really?
R: He a noodle with clothes on.
K: Ha, a toothpick with a mustache.
Mr. C: That’s funny.
R: You straight fired on his ass.
Mr. C: Yes, and I am so offended. (hint of sarcasm)
K: Nah, we just kidding Mr. C.
Mr. C: Well I take being skinny as a compliment, so it doesn’t bother me.
———————


Lockdown

An email from my principal.
———
All students remain in classrooms with doors locked and blinds drawn.

The Police Department and the SWAT team are serving a warrant at a neighboring house.  Because we are not aware of the situation and have a report of police with drawn guns, we issued the lockdown alert as a precaution.  AT NO TIME were shots fired.  The Police Department came to the building and notified us that there was no need for lockdown at that our safety was not in jeopardy.

Thank you for your prompt response in helping our students to remain calm for this brief lockdown.
————


Ham, Bacon and Cheese

A student escalated this morning and became physically violent towards other students.
——————
K: M was going ham this mornin’.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah he was going ham, bacon and cheese.
Mr. C: What does that mean anyway, going ham?
K: It mean they went crazy.
Mr. C: Oh.
————–


Because You Told Me

Going over Subject Verb Agreement with Seniors:
—————
Mr. C: What did you get for number 6?
S: Have.
Mr. C: Good, do you know why it is have?
S: Because you told me it was.
Mr. C: Well I’m not going to be telling you answers for the rest of your life, so we have to figure this out.
T: Haha.
S: Stop laughing T, it ain’t funny!
—————


100th post!

100 posts since February 25th, 2012.

woot woot!

Thanks to the readers who visit the site.

 


Fish Joke

One of my juniors told a joke this morning:

——–
K: Where do a fish keep its money?
Mr. C: Where?
K: In the river bank.
Mr. C: That’s good, I like that.
————-


“Gay” Pencil?

Seniors:
————
T: I need a pencil.
Mr. C: Here (hands pencil).
T: How you gon’ hand me a gay pencil?
Mr. C: I didn’t know pencils had a sexual preference, but okay.
T: Haha.
T: You handed me a hannah montana pencil.
Mr. C: Yeah? None of my male students complained when I handed them a hannah montana, or hello kitty pencil for that matter.
——————


Craving Chocolate

In a classroom of all girls, tasting chocolate led to a discussion on the feminine time of the month.
————–
Mr. C: The dark chocolate is bitter because of the percentage of cacao. You guys are used to milk chocolate.
Mrs. J: We are used to chocolate tasting sweet. You know when you are on your period, do you ever crave things?
S: Yeah I crave chocolate.
B: I crave hot chips.
T: I don’t crave anything.
Mrs. J: Luckily I’m older and I don’t have to go down that road anymore. But I didn’t use to crave things either.
S: You got your period taken out of you?
Mrs. J: No, God took it out for me.
S: You got that menopause?
Mrs. J: Yes I do honey.
————————-


He Dead

Overheard a discussion on pills:

————
J: My bus driver, he took 4 horse tranquilizers and drove the bus. He was high as hell.
A: This kid at my school popped 4 lortabs, and 2 bars…he dead.
—————-


Eggs? Cuff Me Bra.

During dismissal.
——————
K: Man these buses be takin’ too long. I wanna go home.
Mr. C: Well they can’t let all of you guys out at once, so they call which buses come first.
K: They just need one big ass bus to take all the kids home.
Mr. C: Well that would take forever, instead of having separate buses go in different directions, they just have to do one giant loop, you wouldn’t get home until about 7 o’clock.
K: You need to get up about god damnit 4:30 in the mornin’ and pick our asses up.
Mr. C: I’m talking about when school gets out. They might as well put a teacher on the bus to teach you something because you would be on the bus so long.
K: You could be on the bus.
Mr. C: I don’t know about that.
K: Yeah if you rode the bus, I would say “hey get off at this stop,” and you get off, I straight egg you.
Mr. C: You carry eggs on you at all times?
K: Yeah, I be havin’ eggs all the time.
K: I egg you like I egged this gal’s car the other day.
Mr. C: You can get arrested for that, you need to be careful.
K: Cuff me bra. (puts hands out).
Mr. C: (stare.)
K: Nah I’m just playin’.
Mr. C: I know.
K: I only egged her because she got smart with me.
Mr. C: Well egging a car is bad for the paint. It could be property damage.
K: It’s bad for the car?
Mr. C: Yeah.  If the egg dries on the paint, it could chip when you try to clean it off.
K: Ah shit, well she prolly gonna have messed up paint. I did it at night.
————–