Limp

S walks in with a limp:
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S: Damn man I gotta go to the hospital when I get home.
Mr. C: Why is that?
S: Cause I think I sprained my ankle.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: I ain’t been to the doctor yet.
Mr. C: What did you do to it?
S: I think I sprained it playin’ basketball at the house.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: When I went up to dunk it, when I come back down it twisted like this right here, it went backwards and twisted, that shit hurt.
Mr. C: Ouch. I bet.
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Later S was walking without a limp but oddly had a limp again around other students and staff, a medical mystery.


False Teeth

Out of nowhere this conversation started:
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S: I’m gon’ get some false teeth bra.
Mr. C: Why would you want to do that?
S: I swear that would be some funny ass shit.
Mr. C: How?
S: Somebody could smack me in the back of the head real hard and make my teeth fall out.
Mr. C: That sounds terrible.
S: I be like “My teeth fell out cuz can you help me?”
Mr. C: Yeah but then you have to pick them up off the ground, and the ground is dirty.
S: Not if I’m in my house.
Mr. C: But the ground is still dirty.
S: Ah yeah, germs and shit.
Mr. C: Yeah.
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Army Umbrella ella ella a a.

S walked in this morning with an umbrella:
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S: Come here and let me smack you with this.
Mr. C: Did you get a new umbrella?
S: Yeah you like it don’t you?
Mr. C: I don’t really like umbrellas but I guess it’s okay.
S: I paid alotta money for it.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: Yeah 200 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: That’s a lot for an¬†umbrella.
S: It’s a real army¬†umbrella.
Mr. C: I saw the camo on it.
S: Yeah it’s real, see? (Shows me the writing on the side, which doesn’t prove anything.)
Mr. C: Yeah. Where did you get it?
S: Uhhh…(pause) An auction.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: Paid too goddamn much for it. $250 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: I thought it was $200?
S: Well..
Mr. C: Where is it from?
S: It’s from a real army base.
Mr. C: Yeah? Which one?
S: Uhhh…It’s from Ft. Campbell, or Afghanistan. I can’t remember which one.
Mr. C: Oh okay. Well go ahead and put it in the closet.
S: Aight.
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Strict Probation

S missed yesterday because they went to court.
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S: Mr. C you gotta help me stay out of trouble.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: They got me on strict probation.
Mr. C: What does that mean?
S: Curfew 6 a’clock.
Mr. C: Man that’s early.
S: I wanted it, I wanna be in the house at 6.
Mr. C: To keep yourself out of trouble?
S: Yeah and they be searchin’ my room everyday.
Mr. C: Yeah?
S: When you see me doing something wrong. stop me.
Mr. C: Well you just have good behavior, that is up to you.
S: Yeah.
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Under the Prison

One of my seniors walks into the classroom.
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Mr. C: Hey J, what’s going on?
J: I just got back from court.
Mr. C: How did it go?
J: They gave me 2 counts of life and 30 days.
Mr. C: What? That’s a long time.
J: I don’t know why they did that.
Mr. C: I don’t either?
J: They gon’ make sure I can’t get out.
Mr. C: It sounds like it.
J: If they could, they’d put me under the prison.
Mr. C: Ha.
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Molasses

At the end of a long Friday, one of my students threw a marker at a student because they said something about them.
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Mr. C: You don’t need to throw markers at anyone.
D: But he said something about me.
Mr. C: He is ignoring you.
D: Why you even tryin’ to defend him, over there with yo self, if you get the molasses out yo ass you might actually hear somethin’.
Mr. C: Molasses out of my what?
D: If you get the molasses out yo ass.
Mr. C: What does that have to do with my hearing?
D: Mannn.
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Meat Juice

I went into a classroom to retrieve some juices that a student left in there from breakfast.
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P: Give that man his juices.
Mr. C: That’s what I’m here for.
T: You his doughboy.
Mr. C: What? I’m going to drink these juices myself. That’s why I’m getting them.
P: You can’t even drink those juices.
Mr. C: Why not? It’s juice, it’s made out of grapes.
P: Nah it’s made out of meat.
Mr. C: Gross. You would drink meat juice!?
P: (Silence)
I leave the classroom.
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