One Liners and Leftovers

These are all of the leftovers and one-liners I have had written down from the last 2 years teaching Culinary Arts and English here.
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C: Man I need to sleep.
I didn’t sleep all weekend.
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R: They had me hot bra.
That’s why I busted all the windows.
They had me hot.
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K: When that boy blow up that school, I’m gonna sue your ass.
That boy from Iraq, fuckin’ terrorist.
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J: I say this on my dead granddaddy.
I put this on Jesus.
I put this on God.
I ain’t gonna lie on God bra.
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K: Why you diggin’ in yo nose and shit?
R: I gotta booger in dat bitch.
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S: Where my boo thang at?
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D: Bra we gots to make that video bra.
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J: You know what the best food is?
That jail food. That spaghetti is on point.
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R: My name ain’t R in here, my name Bobby Filet.
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J: Man I need a suit so I can steal.
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M: They say when you drink kool-aid, that be the color you piss out.
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R: Is you from a human? Cause every human spose ta eat meat.
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I turn around and one of my students has filled a pitcher with water and had a bag of sugar.

C: You can tell I’m from the projects bra. (starts pouring a ton of sugar in the pitcher)
Mr. C: C! That’s gross, don’t pour sugar in there. No!
C: I’m black, I love sugar water.
Mr. C: I don’t care if you are black, that is too much sugar.
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J: This fuckin’ apron broke.
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Mr. C: What flavor ramen did you get?
R: Doody.
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J: Man I fixin’ to get a sprite and take a shit.
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J: How you gon rob a robber?
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Mr. C: Do you want to help R cook waffles?
J: Nah I fixin’ to take a shit.
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J: You use the bathroom but you didn’t clean it.
M: Sanitize it.
J: Sanitize your breath.
L: Sanitize your god damn lip.
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R: Bra I’m 17. I spose ta be in the 11th grade, but I got locked up. I missed 5 months of school.
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J: Your breath straight smell like a shitty diaper.
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R: Y’all be bullshittin’, I can’t go no week without drinking water. I straight drink my piss.
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Party Time

I overheard this conversation in the cafeteria:
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M: Bra I been goin’ to parties since I was 7.
J: You ain’t been to more parties than me bra. I’m 2 years older than you brah, I been to more parties.
M: Bra you only 14, how you goin’ be 2 years older than me.
J: I been goin’ to parties since I was 8. When I was 8 I did more things than I do now.
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So Slow

My students started making fun of each other at the end of class:
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M: You slow.
J: How am I slow bra?
M: Yo whole family slow.
M: Nah, I bet my momma make mo money dan yours.
J: Nah brah, I my momma gotta better job than yo mama.
M: What yo momma do?
J: She work at a health center.
M: What is dat?
J: It’s where you…I don’t know what it is bra, but she makes alotta money.
M: She work wit old people?
J: Nah brah.
M: I was bout ta say my momma been done havin’ that job.
J: My momma make so much money I gotta be on reduced lunch in the cafertera.
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Doody In Yo Drawers

Overheard last year in Culinary Arts with my 8th Graders:
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J: You straight did doody in yo drawers.
M: Nah I was just playin’ that day.
I straight farted and I told you I did, but I didn’t.
J: Nah bra.
M: They told me to to the bafroom and check my drawers. I did, and there was nothin’.
I was just playin’ bra.
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Wet Bra

I overheard this conversation about t-shirt design:
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D: I don know what color I’m gon’ have on my shirt.
J: Get white and red bra, and red and black bra.
D: Uhh that’s gon be wet bra.
J: It gon’ say “all I do is win, win, win.”
D: On the back it say “no matta what, twt.”
J: Bra it gonna stand out, bra, if it on yo shirt bra.
D: I be gon’ to those parties with that shirt on, and shaking it.
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False Teeth

Out of nowhere this conversation started:
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S: I’m gon’ get some false teeth bra.
Mr. C: Why would you want to do that?
S: I swear that would be some funny ass shit.
Mr. C: How?
S: Somebody could smack me in the back of the head real hard and make my teeth fall out.
Mr. C: That sounds terrible.
S: I be like “My teeth fell out cuz can you help me?”
Mr. C: Yeah but then you have to pick them up off the ground, and the ground is dirty.
S: Not if I’m in my house.
Mr. C: But the ground is still dirty.
S: Ah yeah, germs and shit.
Mr. C: Yeah.
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Tickle My Elmo

Before classes start, two students bump into each other:
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L: Whoa bra hold up.
R: What?
L: You tried to tickle my elmo.
R: Shut up fat ass.
L: K, he tried to tickle my elmo.
R: I’m gon beat yo ass.
Mr. C: Get your folders and sit down.
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