It’s definitely Monday

While taking a test.
(Student punches the wall.)
Mr. C:  Please don’t punch the wall.

It’s one of those days.

No, I’m black.

In the hall on the way to lunch:
T: (opens door into hallway) Mr. C, are you going downstairs?
Mr. C: Yeah, we are going to lunch.
T: Can you get me some ketchup?
Mr. C: Sure, how many do you want? 2?
T: No, I’m black.
Mr. C: Okay… so 3, 4?
T: Gimme 6.
Mr. C: I’ll get you 7.
T: Okay.


2nd block with 8th graders:

A student takes a liking to my hat.

L: Aw I like this, can I have it?
Mr. C: No.
L: Where you get it?
Mr. C: Chicago.
L: Do I look like I care?
Mr. C: I don’t know, you certainly just asked me where I got it.
L: You look itty today.
Mr. C: What?
L: Itty.
Mr. C: What does that mean?
L: Shitty.
Mr. C: Stop cursing.
J: No shitty aint a curse word.
Mr. C: Yes it is.
D: Nah, it mean “fresh.”
Mr. C: Hmm. Well just use itty I guess.
J: Shitty ain’t a curse, it mean it good. But If I say something like shut up you shitty ass–
Mr. C: Stop. No matter what the context is, you are still using the same word.

You a veggie!

2nd Block with 8th Graders

K: You got sarsages in here?
Mr. C: No, we will never cook with meat in here.
K: Oh I forgot you a veggie.

Fahrenheit 706

2nd Block with 8th Graders:
Mr. C:  Turn to page 706.
J: 706?
Mr. C: Yes.

(A few moments later)

D: What page is we on?
Mr. C: Page 706, I’ve now said that 3 times.
D:  There is no page 706, is you high?
Mr. C: Do you know your numbers? 1 2 3 4 5 6  706.
D: You tryin’ to burn.
Mr. C: I just did.

Cookie Dog

3rd Block with Juniors:
T: I’m hungry.
Mr. C: Me too. That Oreo I got from Dasha helped tide me over though.
T: Uh huh.
Mr. C: Oreo’s are a vegan cookie by the way.
T: No it ain’t, it got dog in it.
Mr. C: You would eat a cookie if it had dog in it?
T: Prolly.

Gettin’ paid by the Second

With 11th Graders, we were discussing jobs.

Mr. C: Would you rather be paid by the hour? Or salary? Teachers for instance get paid salary. That means no matter how many hours you work, you still make a set amount.
T: Hold up, y’all dont get paid by the hour?
Mr. C: No, teachers are paid salary.
T: Fuck that, I’d be gettin’ paid by the second.

I wish we were paid by the second.

Hang Ups

This morning, homeroom with 11th Grade.

A student got on the phone to call another teacher and a student picked up:

P: Miss Smith’s room.
T: Put Smith on.
P: Hold on I’ll put ya on speaka.
T: I dont want to be on no god damn speaker phone!
P: Damn bitch you is yellin in my ear!
T: That bitch hung up on me.

Tampon Pans

9th graders:
I ask one of my students to get a plastic spatula.
They walk by with a metal spatula.
Mr. C: No, no metal spatulas.
L: Why?
Mr. C: Because metal on metal is bad. These are Teflon pans, and the metal will scratch off the Teflon coating.
L: Tampon?
Mr. C: No I said Teflon.
N: Oh I thought he said tampon pans.
Mr. C: No, and that doesn’t even make sense. Tampon pans? Really?

White People Hair

Sitting at my desk, a student walks behind my desk and starts going through my drawers.

Mr. C: What are you doing in my drawers?
(walks behind my chair.)
Mr. C: Why are you behind my chair?
(She takes her hand and brushes over my hair with it.)
Mr. C: What are you doing?
S: You got that white people hair.
Mr. C: Well I am white.
S: Haha.