One Liners and Leftovers

These are all of the leftovers and one-liners I have had written down from the last 2 years teaching Culinary Arts and English here.
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C: Man I need to sleep.
I didn’t sleep all weekend.
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R: They had me hot bra.
That’s why I busted all the windows.
They had me hot.
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K: When that boy blow up that school, I’m gonna sue your ass.
That boy from Iraq, fuckin’ terrorist.
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J: I say this on my dead granddaddy.
I put this on Jesus.
I put this on God.
I ain’t gonna lie on God bra.
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K: Why you diggin’ in yo nose and shit?
R: I gotta booger in dat bitch.
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S: Where my boo thang at?
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D: Bra we gots to make that video bra.
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J: You know what the best food is?
That jail food. That spaghetti is on point.
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R: My name ain’t R in here, my name Bobby Filet.
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J: Man I need a suit so I can steal.
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M: They say when you drink kool-aid, that be the color you piss out.
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R: Is you from a human? Cause every human spose ta eat meat.
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I turn around and one of my students has filled a pitcher with water and had a bag of sugar.

C: You can tell I’m from the projects bra. (starts pouring a ton of sugar in the pitcher)
Mr. C: C! That’s gross, don’t pour sugar in there. No!
C: I’m black, I love sugar water.
Mr. C: I don’t care if you are black, that is too much sugar.
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J: This fuckin’ apron broke.
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Mr. C: What flavor ramen did you get?
R: Doody.
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J: Man I fixin’ to get a sprite and take a shit.
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J: How you gon rob a robber?
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Mr. C: Do you want to help R cook waffles?
J: Nah I fixin’ to take a shit.
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J: You use the bathroom but you didn’t clean it.
M: Sanitize it.
J: Sanitize your breath.
L: Sanitize your god damn lip.
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R: Bra I’m 17. I spose ta be in the 11th grade, but I got locked up. I missed 5 months of school.
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J: Your breath straight smell like a shitty diaper.
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R: Y’all be bullshittin’, I can’t go no week without drinking water. I straight drink my piss.
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Beast on the Court

One of my students was talking about tattoos during breakfast.
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M: Someone told me that you can’t get a tattoo if you diabetic.
Mr. C: Well the needles might cause a problem.
M: Why?
R: The needle goes in the skin and bleeds.
M: It does?
R: Yeah. (Pulls up his shirt to reveal a lion on the left, Jesus in the middle, and a basketball on the right.) See?
M: Yeah.
Mr. C: What does it mean?
R: Jesus be watching over me and my basketball career.
Mr. C: What is the lion for?
R: Cause I’m a beast on the court and he’s the king of the jungle ya feel me?
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Jesus Ponytail

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D: Why you cut yo hair for?
Mr. C: It was time for it to go.
D: You shoulda kept your jesus ponytail.
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Jesus on the Side of the Road

Walking by some of the students at lunch:
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P: Look Jesus cut his hair.
Mr. C: You don’t like it?
P: You look like one of dem junkies on the side of the road. Haha.
Mr. C: What’s that? (Cups hand over ear)
P: Nah I’m just playin’.
Mr. C: Oh okay, I thought you said something.
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Haircut

During the break, I got my hair cut. It used to be long so it came as a shock to some of my students.
On the first day back from spring break, it became a topic of conversation.
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The morning bell rings and one of my students walks down the hall:

K: Ah you got yo hair cut!
Mr. C: Yep, I took it all off, 8 inches.
K: My nigga got that Justin Bieber cut.
Mr. C: Justin Bieber is better than Jesus so I’ll take it.
K: Yeah I like it.
Mr. C: I’m saving a ton on shampoo too.
K: Haha.
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