So Slow

My students started making fun of each other at the end of class:
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M: You slow.
J: How am I slow bra?
M: Yo whole family slow.
M: Nah, I bet my momma make mo money dan yours.
J: Nah brah, I my momma gotta better job than yo mama.
M: What yo momma do?
J: She work at a health center.
M: What is dat?
J: It’s where you…I don’t know what it is bra, but she makes alotta money.
M: She work wit old people?
J: Nah brah.
M: I was bout ta say my momma been done havin’ that job.
J: My momma make so much money I gotta be on reduced lunch in the cafertera.
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Donald Trump

In the middle of class:
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R: You know who I saw yesterday?
L: Who?
R: Donald Trump
Mr. C: Right.
R: Nah I’m playin’.
R: But if Donald Trump drop $500, he keep on walkin’.
L: What?
Mr. C: Yeah I heard that. I think it’s $100, but it cost him more money to reach down and pick it up.
L: Nah…
R: Yeah. He won’t drop down and pick it up, he just keep on walkin’.
L: Oh shit, he need to come to town!
Mr. C: What, would you just walk behind him and wait for him to drop money?
L: Hell yeah I straight up walk up to him and say:
“Mr. Trump, you got change for a 20?”
And he be all like “I’m sorry I only got $100’s”
And then I know he would drop some of that.
Mr. C: That’s an interesting theory.
L: That’s how you know you rich.
Mr. C: Well he definitely knows he is rich.
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Army Umbrella ella ella a a.

S walked in this morning with an umbrella:
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S: Come here and let me smack you with this.
Mr. C: Did you get a new umbrella?
S: Yeah you like it don’t you?
Mr. C: I don’t really like umbrellas but I guess it’s okay.
S: I paid alotta money for it.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: Yeah 200 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: That’s a lot for an umbrella.
S: It’s a real army umbrella.
Mr. C: I saw the camo on it.
S: Yeah it’s real, see? (Shows me the writing on the side, which doesn’t prove anything.)
Mr. C: Yeah. Where did you get it?
S: Uhhh…(pause) An auction.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: Paid too goddamn much for it. $250 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: I thought it was $200?
S: Well..
Mr. C: Where is it from?
S: It’s from a real army base.
Mr. C: Yeah? Which one?
S: Uhhh…It’s from Ft. Campbell, or Afghanistan. I can’t remember which one.
Mr. C: Oh okay. Well go ahead and put it in the closet.
S: Aight.
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New Tattoo

A discussion during lunch:

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S: Mr. C I’m about to get a new tattoo.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: I’m gon’ put m o b on my back.
Mr. C: Mob?
S: Yeah, mob gang.
Mr. C: Mob gang?
S: Yeah money over bitches.
Mr. C: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
S: It’s gon’ hurt like hell.
Mr. C: Well that would be another reason not to.
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Cocaine and Food Stamps

A conversation in the hall on the way back from the bathroom.
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S: My baby momma called.
S: I’m about to get on the city bus.
Mr. C: No you have to stay here,
S: I need some cocaine in my system.
Mr. C: I don’t like the sound of that.
S: You know I’m poor cause I only got 5 dollars in my pocket. I got this off the food stamp card.
Mr. C: I keep my money in the bank.
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Probation, Misdemeanors and Felonies

One of my students walked in this morning, and told me what happened last night.
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S: What day is the last day of school?
Mr. C: May 24th.
S: I’m not gonna be here for the rest of the school year.
Mr. C: Why?
S: I really violated probation this time.
S: I’m not gonna see you guys for a while
Mr. C: Why?
S: I’m gettin’ locked up.
Mr. C: For what?
S: I got caught with drugs.
Mr. C: What drugs?
S: Weed.
Mr. C: That is just a misdemeanor, and you are only 17.
S: I got another misdemeanor for the pipe.
Mr. C: That still is not enough for jail time.
S: And I gotta felony for breaking and entering.
Mr. C: That will do it.
K: S you be stuntin’
S: I got proof, I can bring it up here.
I gotta go to court today or tomorrow.
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When I spoke to their probation officer, I also found out the student stole a large amount of money.


Fish Joke

One of my juniors told a joke this morning:

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K: Where do a fish keep its money?
Mr. C: Where?
K: In the river bank.
Mr. C: That’s good, I like that.
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Truancy and Tattoos

A Senior missed a day of school and the discussion why led to even bigger things.

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Mr. C: Why weren’t you here last Friday?
S: Yeah I got a tattoo.
Mr. C: That’s not a good enough excuse to miss school.
S: Well I missed the bus this morning, and my mom said she wouldn’t take me because she had somewhere to be.
Mr. C: How did you get to the tattoo shop?
S: Well I called my friend and he came and got me.
Mr. C: Why couldn’t your friend take you to school?
S: Well I went back to sleep and then I woke up at 10:30.
Mr. C: Oh, well you still have come to school.
S: Yeah…
Mr. C: So without a job, I have to ask, how did you get the money for a tattoo?
T: How you gon’ ask the girl about her money?
S: Well it’s a long story, and it’s kinda gross.
Mr. C: Okay.
S: Well I have this friend, and he offered me 26 dollars to suck his thang.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: But I didnt suck his thang! I washed his car and then he gave me 26 dollas.
Mr. C: Well first off I wouldn’t call that guy your friend.
S: I did the right thang!
Mr. C: Yes you did, but where do you go to get a $26 tattoo?
S: My friend took me to a guy’s house.
Mr. C: You went to a guy’s house to get the tattoo?!
S: Yeah.
Mr. C: That is not safe.
S: It was safe.
Mr. C: How is it safe?
S: Well I laid on his couch.
Mr. C: That wasn’t scary to you?
S: Nah, his girlfriend was comforting to me, she said: “We not goin’ kill you and stuff like that.”
Mr. C: Oh well, I definitely feel comfortable when you say something like that.
S: It was aight.
Mr. C: You have to be careful, you can’t put yourself in these situations.
S: I saw these girls doing coke, but I don’t do no dope or anything.
Mr. C: I am just worried that you trust people before they give you a chance not to. These situations could have been a lot worse. You have been very lucky. You just need to develop some boundaries.
S: I know.
Mr. C: I just want you to think before you act.
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Yo Momma…

8th Graders:
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M: You slow.
J: How am I slow bra?
M: Yo momma slow.
J: Yo whole family slow.
M: Nah, I bet my momma make mo money dan yours.
J: Nah brah, I my momma gotta better job than yo mama.
M: What yo momma do?
J: She work at a health place.
M: What is dat?
J: It’s where you…I don’t know what it is bra but she makes alotta money.
M: She work wit old people?
J: Nah brah.
M: I was ’bout ta say my momma been done havin’ that job.
J: My momma make so much money I gotta be on reduced lunch in the cafertera.
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Small Change/High Heel Jordan’s

1st Block with my Seniors:

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J: I got a whole buncha shoes. Bra I got so many shoes I could give ’em away bra. I wear ’em one time and I just give ’em away.
Mr. C: What? Why do you get the shoes if you don’t really want them? That’s expensive.
J: That’s small change for me. I swear I got so much money bra. I can be givin’ my friends fitty for they birthday main. My baby momma got so many heels.
R: I fixin’ to get my baby momma some high heel jordan’s.
Mr. C: Really? Like Michael Jordan heels?
R: Yeah.
Mr. C: Wow.

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