So Slow

My students started making fun of each other at the end of class:
M: You slow.
J: How am I slow bra?
M: Yo whole family slow.
M: Nah, I bet my momma make mo money dan yours.
J: Nah brah, I my momma gotta better job than yo mama.
M: What yo momma do?
J: She work at a health center.
M: What is dat?
J: It’s where you…I don’t know what it is bra, but she makes alotta money.
M: She work wit old people?
J: Nah brah.
M: I was bout ta say my momma been done havin’ that job.
J: My momma make so much money I gotta be on reduced lunch in the cafertera.

Donald Trump

In the middle of class:
R: You know who I saw yesterday?
L: Who?
R: Donald Trump
Mr. C: Right.
R: Nah I’m playin’.
R: But if Donald Trump drop $500, he keep on walkin’.
L: What?
Mr. C: Yeah I heard that. I think it’s $100, but it cost him more money to reach down and pick it up.
L: Nah…
R: Yeah. He won’t drop down and pick it up, he just keep on walkin’.
L: Oh shit, he need to come to town!
Mr. C: What, would you just walk behind him and wait for him to drop money?
L: Hell yeah I straight up walk up to him and say:
“Mr. Trump, you got change for a 20?”
And he be all like “I’m sorry I only got $100’s”
And then I know he would drop some of that.
Mr. C: That’s an interesting theory.
L: That’s how you know you rich.
Mr. C: Well he definitely knows he is rich.

Army Umbrella ella ella a a.

S walked in this morning with an umbrella:
S: Come here and let me smack you with this.
Mr. C: Did you get a new umbrella?
S: Yeah you like it don’t you?
Mr. C: I don’t really like umbrellas but I guess it’s okay.
S: I paid alotta money for it.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: Yeah 200 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: That’s a lot for an umbrella.
S: It’s a real army umbrella.
Mr. C: I saw the camo on it.
S: Yeah it’s real, see? (Shows me the writing on the side, which doesn’t prove anything.)
Mr. C: Yeah. Where did you get it?
S: Uhhh…(pause) An auction.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: Paid too goddamn much for it. $250 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: I thought it was $200?
S: Well..
Mr. C: Where is it from?
S: It’s from a real army base.
Mr. C: Yeah? Which one?
S: Uhhh…It’s from Ft. Campbell, or Afghanistan. I can’t remember which one.
Mr. C: Oh okay. Well go ahead and put it in the closet.
S: Aight.

New Tattoo

A discussion during lunch:

S: Mr. C I’m about to get a new tattoo.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: I’m gon’ put m o b on my back.
Mr. C: Mob?
S: Yeah, mob gang.
Mr. C: Mob gang?
S: Yeah money over bitches.
Mr. C: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
S: It’s gon’ hurt like hell.
Mr. C: Well that would be another reason not to.

Cocaine and Food Stamps

A conversation in the hall on the way back from the bathroom.
S: My baby momma called.
S: I’m about to get on the city bus.
Mr. C: No you have to stay here,
S: I need some cocaine in my system.
Mr. C: I don’t like the sound of that.
S: You know I’m poor cause I only got 5 dollars in my pocket. I got this off the food stamp card.
Mr. C: I keep my money in the bank.

Probation, Misdemeanors and Felonies

One of my students walked in this morning, and told me what happened last night.
S: What day is the last day of school?
Mr. C: May 24th.
S: I’m not gonna be here for the rest of the school year.
Mr. C: Why?
S: I really violated probation this time.
S: I’m not gonna see you guys for a while
Mr. C: Why?
S: I’m gettin’ locked up.
Mr. C: For what?
S: I got caught with drugs.
Mr. C: What drugs?
S: Weed.
Mr. C: That is just a misdemeanor, and you are only 17.
S: I got another misdemeanor for the pipe.
Mr. C: That still is not enough for jail time.
S: And I gotta felony for breaking and entering.
Mr. C: That will do it.
K: S you be stuntin’
S: I got proof, I can bring it up here.
I gotta go to court today or tomorrow.

When I spoke to their probation officer, I also found out the student stole a large amount of money.

Fish Joke

One of my juniors told a joke this morning:

K: Where do a fish keep its money?
Mr. C: Where?
K: In the river bank.
Mr. C: That’s good, I like that.