First thing in the morning:
K: I missed my court date.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah. And you know what, I’ll just be honest I don’t give a fuck, I might as well
do my time.
R: You might as well.
Mr. C: So what happened.
K: Remember that day I took off running during school?
Mr. C: Yes I do.
K: Well I went to the projects, and we were riding around in this car. Then this truck driver tried to run us off the road so I took the gun and I
stuck it out the window.
K: That truck driver done called it in.
2 cops drive past us, and I was like “hey pull into this Macdonalds,”
and I threw the gun.
The cop pulled us over and I got a citation.
Mr. C: You threw the gun?
K: Yeah and I still got a citation, they went off what the truck driver said.
Mr. C: Well just be glad they didn’t find the gun.
J walked into my classroom this morning:
R: You coming to the gym today?
J: Yeah but I need to get a fucking ankle thing.
J: I turned my ankle. Cause I jumped off the fucking roof yesterday.
Mr. C: You jumped off “the” roof. And why did you jump off a roof?
J: Cause I was trying to land on some bushes, but I landed on my
momma’s car instead.
Mr. C: And you turned your ankle?
Mr. C: Well that’s unfortunate.
S walked in this morning with an umbrella:
S: Come here and let me smack you with this.
Mr. C: Did you get a new umbrella?
S: Yeah you like it don’t you?
Mr. C: I don’t really like umbrellas but I guess it’s okay.
S: I paid alotta money for it.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
S: Yeah 200 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: That’s a lot for an umbrella.
S: It’s a real army umbrella.
Mr. C: I saw the camo on it.
S: Yeah it’s real, see? (Shows me the writing on the side, which doesn’t prove anything.)
Mr. C: Yeah. Where did you get it?
S: Uhhh…(pause) An auction.
Mr. C: Oh.
S: Paid too goddamn much for it. $250 motherfuckin’ dollars.
Mr. C: I thought it was $200?
Mr. C: Where is it from?
S: It’s from a real army base.
Mr. C: Yeah? Which one?
S: Uhhh…It’s from Ft. Campbell, or Afghanistan. I can’t remember which one.
Mr. C: Oh okay. Well go ahead and put it in the closet.
In the morning during homeroom.
D: What did everybody do Saturday?
Mr. C: Umm well (cut off)
D: Well I’ll tell you what I did. I went over to my friend’s house and smoked some blunts. I was so high.
Mr. C: Well that’s inappropriate.
D: All my friend’s was passed out on the floor.
Mr. C: Okay new subject.
On the way back from lunch.
R: My homey got killed today this morning.
Mr. C: You knew them?
R: Yeah, I had classes with him. We used to play basketball together.
Mr. C: What happened?
R: They said somebody came up and just shot him.
Mr. C: Geez.
R: Shot him like prolly 5 or 6 times.
Mr. C: That’s rough R. I’m sorry.
A student escalated this morning and became physically violent towards other students.
K: M was going ham this mornin’.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah he was going ham, bacon and cheese.
Mr. C: What does that mean anyway, going ham?
K: It mean they went crazy.
Mr. C: Oh.
8th graders making fun of each other:
C: You need a leash for your breath cause yo breath stink.
J: I brush my teeth every morning bra.
C: You need to swallow some Listerine bra.
Mr. C: You don’t drink Listerine. Let’s get back to work.
D: Haha yeah, you don’t drink Listerine C, haha.
M: You tryin’ to drink some alcohol bra? Haha. Gettin’ drunk on some Listerine.
C: Man whatever bra.
The principal made this announcement before letting the kids in the door this morning:
Staff, this morning we need to check any students with open containers. There has been a rumor that students have been drinking alcohol on the bus, so we need to check all open containers and cups they bring in.
Just give them a sniff when they come in this morning.
I will make an announcement and tell the kids not to bring open containers anymore.
1st block with my Seniors:
One of the teachers was absent this morning so I absorbed their class, which included 3 of my seniors from last semester that I don’t have this semester. While in the middle of cooking omelets, some students were around my desk being mischievous.
Mr. C: J get out of my chair, and S quit opening my drawers!
M: I ain’t gonna lie, you is one of our favorite teachers Mr. C. We wouldn’t steal from you.
Mr. C: I appreciate that M.