These are all of the leftovers and one-liners I have had written down from the last 2 years teaching Culinary Arts and English here.
C: Man I need to sleep.
I didn’t sleep all weekend.
R: They had me hot bra.
That’s why I busted all the windows.
They had me hot.
K: When that boy blow up that school, I’m gonna sue your ass.
That boy from Iraq, fuckin’ terrorist.
J: I say this on my dead granddaddy.
I put this on Jesus.
I put this on God.
I ain’t gonna lie on God bra.
K: Why you diggin’ in yo nose and shit?
R: I gotta booger in dat bitch.
S: Where my boo thang at?
D: Bra we gots to make that video bra.
J: You know what the best food is?
That jail food. That spaghetti is on point.
R: My name ain’t R in here, my name Bobby Filet.
J: Man I need a suit so I can steal.
M: They say when you drink kool-aid, that be the color you piss out.
R: Is you from a human? Cause every human spose ta eat meat.
I turn around and one of my students has filled a pitcher with water and had a bag of sugar.
C: You can tell I’m from the projects bra. (starts pouring a ton of sugar in the pitcher)
Mr. C: C! That’s gross, don’t pour sugar in there. No!
C: I’m black, I love sugar water.
Mr. C: I don’t care if you are black, that is too much sugar.
J: This fuckin’ apron broke.
Mr. C: What flavor ramen did you get?
J: Man I fixin’ to get a sprite and take a shit.
J: How you gon rob a robber?
Mr. C: Do you want to help R cook waffles?
J: Nah I fixin’ to take a shit.
J: You use the bathroom but you didn’t clean it.
M: Sanitize it.
J: Sanitize your breath.
L: Sanitize your god damn lip.
R: Bra I’m 17. I spose ta be in the 11th grade, but I got locked up. I missed 5 months of school.
J: Your breath straight smell like a shitty diaper.
R: Y’all be bullshittin’, I can’t go no week without drinking water. I straight drink my piss.
First thing in the morning:
K: I missed my court date.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah. And you know what, I’ll just be honest I don’t give a fuck, I might as well
do my time.
R: You might as well.
Mr. C: So what happened.
K: Remember that day I took off running during school?
Mr. C: Yes I do.
K: Well I went to the projects, and we were riding around in this car. Then this truck driver tried to run us off the road so I took the gun and I
stuck it out the window.
K: That truck driver done called it in.
2 cops drive past us, and I was like “hey pull into this Macdonalds,”
and I threw the gun.
The cop pulled us over and I got a citation.
Mr. C: You threw the gun?
K: Yeah and I still got a citation, they went off what the truck driver said.
Mr. C: Well just be glad they didn’t find the gun.
Towards the end of class with my Juniors:
R: I just want to meet Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, George
Washington, ya feel me Mr. C?
Mr. C: What?
R: What’s that dude on the fifty? I forgot his name.
Mr. C: Grant?
R: I ain’t never told you this before, George W. Bush came to my house
Mr. C: Where?
R: I was living in these projects in Illinois.
Mr. C: Yeah?
R: He just came up to the door and knocked on it.
Mr. C: Nah, he came up there for real?
R: Yeah I’m for real. When I was little.
He came up and knocked on the door, he got a little racism on him. We
stepped outside, and he shook my hand.
Mr. C: He shook your hand?
R: He looked like he didn’t really wanna shake my hand.
But yeah, that was the first president I ever met in my life.
Mr. C: Wow.
R: When I die, I want to meet all of them, and Thomas Jefferson.
Mr. C: Cool.