One Liners and Leftovers

These are all of the leftovers and one-liners I have had written down from the last 2 years teaching Culinary Arts and English here.
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C: Man I need to sleep.
I didn’t sleep all weekend.
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R: They had me hot bra.
That’s why I busted all the windows.
They had me hot.
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K: When that boy blow up that school, I’m gonna sue your ass.
That boy from Iraq, fuckin’ terrorist.
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J: I say this on my dead granddaddy.
I put this on Jesus.
I put this on God.
I ain’t gonna lie on God bra.
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K: Why you diggin’ in yo nose and shit?
R: I gotta booger in dat bitch.
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S: Where my boo thang at?
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D: Bra we gots to make that video bra.
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J: You know what the best food is?
That jail food. That spaghetti is on point.
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R: My name ain’t R in here, my name Bobby Filet.
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J: Man I need a suit so I can steal.
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M: They say when you drink kool-aid, that be the color you piss out.
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R: Is you from a human? Cause every human spose ta eat meat.
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I turn around and one of my students has filled a pitcher with water and had a bag of sugar.

C: You can tell I’m from the projects bra. (starts pouring a ton of sugar in the pitcher)
Mr. C: C! That’s gross, don’t pour sugar in there. No!
C: I’m black, I love sugar water.
Mr. C: I don’t care if you are black, that is too much sugar.
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J: This fuckin’ apron broke.
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Mr. C: What flavor ramen did you get?
R: Doody.
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J: Man I fixin’ to get a sprite and take a shit.
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J: How you gon rob a robber?
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Mr. C: Do you want to help R cook waffles?
J: Nah I fixin’ to take a shit.
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J: You use the bathroom but you didn’t clean it.
M: Sanitize it.
J: Sanitize your breath.
L: Sanitize your god damn lip.
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R: Bra I’m 17. I spose ta be in the 11th grade, but I got locked up. I missed 5 months of school.
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J: Your breath straight smell like a shitty diaper.
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R: Y’all be bullshittin’, I can’t go no week without drinking water. I straight drink my piss.
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Snakes on Planes

I walked in the door mid conversation:
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M: And we goin’ on a plane, I hope I don’t pee on myself.
Mr. C: Whoa what’? Where are you going?
M: We goin’ to Panama. I never rode an airplane before.
Mr. C: I love flying in planes.
M: You flown before?
Mr. C: Yeah, the first time I was a bit nervous at takeoff but after that it was great.
M: I’m just goin’ to try to sleep.
Mr. C: Yeah that’s a good idea. I love going to sleep and waking up somewhere else.
M: Where you been?
Mr. C: I’ve flown to Europe 6 times and all over the U.S.
M: I don’t like it, because I seen snakes on a plane.
Mr. C: That’s a movie.
M: So! What if they really snakes on the plane!
Mr. C: That is highly unlikely.
M: Still.
Mr. C: You will be fine.
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Pillow, Blanket, and Court Date

One of my students walked in at 7 and went to sleep on the tile floor of the classroom. After 2 hours they woke up and we had this conversation.

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Mr. C: You ready to get up yet?
S: Nah, I’m going back to sleep. I been up for 4 days.
Mr. C: What?
S: I ain’t slept.
Mr. C: Why not?
S: I been stressed.
Mr. C: Stressed about what?
S: If I’m goin’ to jail or not.
Mr. C: Well what’s the latest?
S: I gotta go back to court. April 8th, at 1 aclock.
Mr. C: Well you just went so that’s not too bad if you have another one.
S: You gotta pillow and a blanket in here?
Mr. C: No, I do not.
S: Fuck.
(lays head back down and goes to sleep.)
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