Gas Mask

During a test.
Mr. C: 5 minutes left on the test.
R: Guess what I bought the other day.
Mr. C: Tell me in 5 minutes.
(5 minutes later)
Mr. C: Okay the test is over I am going to come around and pick them up.
R: So guess what I bought.
Mr. C: What?
R: A gas mask.
Mr. C: Why did you get a gas mask?
R: I don’t know, somebody bought it for me. I said I might as well keep it, I got nothing else to do with it.
Mr. C: Okay.
R: I got it so when I smoke I don’t stink.
Mr. C: That makes no sense.
R: Nah I’m playin’, I stopped smoking in 2008, cause they found out I got cancer.
Mr. C: That is not true.
R: Nah but I see these little young dudes, bout 8 or 7, asking where the weed at.
Mr. C: Alright moving on.

Happy Smoke Filled New Year Hangover

My students are back from the 3 week long break.

Mr. C: Welcome back. How was everyone’s new years?
S: It was full of smoke and I went to bed at 12.
K: I don’t remember. I gotta hangover though.
Mr. C: Alright then. Well let’s get started.


A student walks in and begins to tell me what happened the day before.

S: I found out something yesterday.
Mr. C: What’s that?
S: I have ecstasy in my system.
Mr. C: Right now?
S: No someone done laced my marijuana with ecstasy. Doctor told me that.
Mr. C: I didn’t know you could smoke ecstasy.
S: The doctor said I could have died.
Mr. C: If you do too much you can die from any kind of drugs.
S: For a minute I thought I wasn’t coming back here.

Pizza Hut Date

3rd Block with Seniors:
Mr. C: What did you do this weekend?
S: I went out with J.
Mr. C: Yeah?
S: He took me on a date to pizza hut.
Mr. C: How did it go?
S: I farted, haha.
Mr. C: Oh…
S: We was at pizza hut. We were standing outside, and he was like
“You wanna smoke this square?”
And I said, “Nah but I think I gotta doo doo.”
Then I started farting.
He said “Are you for real?”
I said “I got gas, I’m sorry.”
Mr. C: Hmm. Well anything else?
S: You know that cheese sauce, the parmesan in the container?
Mr. C: Yeah.
S: I stole that.


(Tomorrow is my birthday, so this is a special edition.)

1st Block with my Seniors:
R: What’s tomorrow?
Mr. C: Friday, it’s my birthday actually.
R: Ah yeah! I’m gon’ smoke a blunt wit you on your burfday.
Mr. C: Thanks but I don’t smoke, anything.
R: Well we is gon’ drink den.
Mr. C: Ehh…, I appreciate it though.
R: Come on Mr. C, you gotta shake it!

High On Life, Dog

1st Block with my Seniors:
C has been showing up more here lately than he has the entire semester. Unfortunately instead of doing his work, he walks up to my desk and we have conversations like this:
C: You get high?
Mr. C: No.
C: You lie.
Mr. C: No, I don’t.
C: You ever see a dog get high?
Mr. C: Nope.
C: My dog is high.
Mr. C: Okay.
C: I let him smoke hash with me, I blow it in his face. 3 days, my dog is high now…he can’t control himself.
Mr. C: I bet.