2nd block one of my students was making fun of another:
K: You a momma’s boy ain’t you?
M: I am not.
K: You a titty baby, suckin’ on that titty.
Mr. C: Do I need to write you up for sexual?
K: Breastfeeding ain’t sexual.
Mr. C: You didn’t say breastfeeding, you said “titty.”

Broken Nail Emergency

3rd block with seniors, very beginning of class:
S walks in.
S: Can I call my granny?
Mr. C: Why?
S: I just broke my nail, let me call my granny.
Mr. C: No.
S: It’s an emergency.
Mr. C: Breaking your nail is not an emergency.
S: My granny goin’ get mad at me.
Mr. C: Well you’re granny can’t do anything about your nail right now.
S: She gotta make an appointment for me.
Mr. C: I think that can wait until the end of class, it’s not that crucial.
S: Fuck this shit then. I’m gonna walk out.
Mr. C: Walk where? The office isn’t going to let you use the phone.
S: I ain’t doin’ no work today.
(She storms off and throws her book with her work on the floor.)
I walk over and help another student with their work and S walks over to my desk and proceeds to use the phone to call her granny.
Mr. C: S get off the phone.
I walk over and tell her once again to get off the phone.
S: No.
I unplug the phone from the wall.
S: Fuck this shit. She takes everything on my desk, papers, grade book, and pushes it off onto the floor and storms out.
Mr. C: S come back and pick this stuff up.
(She storms down the hall into the office.)
I call the office and tell them she is L.D.A. (leaving designated area)
I had to write her up for, LDA, defiance, disrespect, abusive language, and physical aggression.
Some of my students have very short tempers.
But they need to grow up.


At the end of a long Friday, one of my students threw a marker at a student because they said something about them.
Mr. C: You don’t need to throw markers at anyone.
D: But he said something about me.
Mr. C: He is ignoring you.
D: Why you even tryin’ to defend him, over there with yo self, if you get the molasses out yo ass you might actually hear somethin’.
Mr. C: Molasses out of my what?
D: If you get the molasses out yo ass.
Mr. C: What does that have to do with my hearing?
D: Mannn.

Meat Juice

I went into a classroom to retrieve some juices that a student left in there from breakfast.
P: Give that man his juices.
Mr. C: That’s what I’m here for.
T: You his doughboy.
Mr. C: What? I’m going to drink these juices myself. That’s why I’m getting them.
P: You can’t even drink those juices.
Mr. C: Why not? It’s juice, it’s made out of grapes.
P: Nah it’s made out of meat.
Mr. C: Gross. You would drink meat juice!?
P: (Silence)
I leave the classroom.

Hands On

The student that I had to press charges on came back to school this morning after being suspended for 5 days.
(I walk in the door.)
Mr. C: Hey S.
S: I’m sorry Mr. C, you just got on my bad side.
Mr. C: It is alright S.
S: I won’t put my hands on a teacher again. I don’t want to go back to juvenile.
Mr. C: Good.
M: You got arrested?
S: Yeah Mr. C got me arrested.
Mr. C: No, that was actually over my head. That was the principal’s decision.
S: Oh. Well that cop was a bitch. I asked him to go get my hat and he didn’t.
Mr. C: I’m sure he had a lot of other things on his mind.

DNN Party

One of my students has a birthday in May and they were talking about their birthday party plans.
K: I’m gon have my part on the last day of school, cause we don’t get our food stamps until the 19th.
Mr. C: Oh okay.
D: Can I come?
K: Yeah but I’m gon keep it small. I don’t want it to get too crazy.
Mr. C: Probably a good idea.
K: It’s gonna be a DNN party.
Mr. C: A what?
K: DNN, Damn near naked. Haha, nah I’m just playin’.

Rap Sheet Citation

Yesterday my student came to school late, walked out of ISS and into another classroom and whispered something to some students. When I tried to get them back in they ran down the stairs and out the back door of the building into a nearby neighborhood.
The student walked in this morning:
Mr. C: You booked it yesterday.
K: I what?
Mr. C: You ran, fast, you booked it out of school.
K: Yeah, but they got me.
Mr. C: What?
K: I got a motherfuckin’ citation.
(Pulls out a rolled up piece of paper and opens it up like a scroll and reads)

The juvenile was the passenger in his friend’s vehicle, pulled over in a PD investigative stop.
The juvenile was the suspect of being armed.
The juvenile was supposed to be in school at the time of the stop.
A pistol was found in the glove compartment of the vehicle.

Mr. C: Wow, that’s quite a rap sheet there.
K: Yeah.
Mr. C: Whose pistol was it?
K: Man I don’t even know.
D: How many strikes is that?
K: Pssh I gotta go to court.
Mr. C: Yeah.
K: And 9 times outta 10 they gon’ lock a nigga up.
I ain’t gon’ do no god damn time.
If I do a month, that ain’t shit.
Mr. C: This may be a reality check for you K. You can’t keep going around doing these things without consequences.
K: Yeah I gotta stop messing around, I just might as well go ahead and do my time.
Mr. C: Yeah.

CK Fresh

I walk into a classroom and a student immediately sprays me with cologne.
Mr. C: Uggh L! Why did you do that?!
L: Now you smell fresh.
Mr. C: I smelled fine before.
L: No you didn’t.
Mr. C: I hate cologne.
L: You don’t like Calvin Klein?
Mr. C: No, I don’t like any of that stuff.
L: Now you smell like me.
Mr. C: I was fine with smelling like me.

Ham, Bacon and Cheese

A student escalated this morning and became physically violent towards other students.
K: M was going ham this mornin’.
Mr. C: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah he was going ham, bacon and cheese.
Mr. C: What does that mean anyway, going ham?
K: It mean they went crazy.
Mr. C: Oh.

I’m the Turtle, Ya Feel Me?

A Junior was stalling on starting their work.

Mr. C: You need to get to work.
K: Don’t rush me, I got this.
Mr. C: Slow and steady wins the race?
K: Yeah, I’m the turtle ya feel me?
Mr. C: Yeah I guess.
K: And I know a shortcut.
Mr. C: We’ll see about that.