Vegan Skate Shoes

I wore my skate shoes to work for the first time and my students noticed.

K: What kind of shoes is those?
Mr. C: They are ES shoes.
K: What is that?
Mr. C: They are skateboard shoes.
T: They aint got no animals in ’em right?
Mr. C: Thats right. They are vegan, made from all synthetic materials.
K: You know, I’m thinking about giving up my rap career and bein’ a professional skateboarder.
Mr. C: Well I used to want to be that too, and it didn’t work out for me, but I wish you the best.
K: Haha aight.

White Flag

I asked some students that had wandered into my classroom to leave:
Mr. C: Alright come on guys, let’s get to class.
J: Let me tell you something straight up vegan man. What is that white flag you wearin’?
Mr. C: It’s a handkerchief; to wipe my nose.
J: Oh I thought you was representin’ somethin’.
Mr. C: Why would I wear any gang colors here, are you crazy?
J: Ha Ha. Aight we’ll go.

The 2 Million Dollar Vegan

Somehow the topic of veganism always comes up with my Seniors.
(J walks over to my desk)
Mr. C: What do you need J?
J: I need that 50 grand you owe me.
Mr. C: Pssh! I need 50 grand.
N: Would you stop working?
Mr. C: Maybe.
N: Today would be your last day.
Mr. C: Probably. I would say peace out. (jokingly)
J: Haha. You would go straight to Burger King and buy you a chicken sandwich.
Mr. C: Nope, I still wouldn’t eat meat.
N: What if somebody paid you 2 million dollars to not be a vegan?
Mr. C: I would act like I’m not a vegan for a day, and then go back to being vegan the next day.
N: That’s petty.
Mr. C: How would you know that I wasn’t still vegan?
J: Shit, I’d be spyin’ on your ass. Peeking in yo window and saying “Is he eating meat?”
Mr. C: That is what you would have to.

Food Prejudice (Halloween Edition)

Juniors in Homeroom:
Mr. C: Did you guys get some candy for Halloween?
L: Yeah, but you can’t eat candy cause you a vegetarian.
Mr. C: What? I eat candy, as long as it isn’t made from animals. I dont know where you are getting your information from.
L: You ain’t no vegetarian, you a prejudice or something.
Mr. C: Ha. I’m vegan, so I’m a food prejudice maybe.

You a veggie!

2nd Block with 8th Graders

K: You got sarsages in here?
Mr. C: No, we will never cook with meat in here.
K: Oh I forgot you a veggie.

Cookie Dog

3rd Block with Juniors:
T: I’m hungry.
Mr. C: Me too. That Oreo I got from Dasha helped tide me over though.
T: Uh huh.
Mr. C: Oreo’s are a vegan cookie by the way.
T: No it ain’t, it got dog in it.
Mr. C: You would eat a cookie if it had dog in it?
T: Prolly.

Mr. Meathead

3rd Block with my  9th Graders:

R: Mr. Meathead, what’s #2?
Mr. C: Meathead? Why do you call me Mr. Meathead?
R: Cause you don’t eat meat.
Mr. C: Oh. Well “meat head” means a strong muscular person, like a wrestler or football player.
R: Oh well I just like to call you that.
Mr. C: Yeah, well that really doesn’t make sense to me. Just call me Mr. C.
(I hold up the letter “C” in a hand motion.) It’s really easy to remember.
R: Oh, that’s the crip symbol! You throwin’ up the crip!
Mr. C: It’s a C.
R: Yeah that’s the symbol.
Mr. C: Well it was a letter of the alphabet long before it was a gang sign.